Life Story: why I entered drug rehab
The story of a woman who decided to enter a drug rehab because she could not live with addiction any more. People make the decision to enter drug rehab for a number of reasons. For me, it was my hair that pushed me over the edge. I know it sounds strange, but hear me out.
Looking in the mirror…
I was washing my hands a few weeks ago when my reflection caught my eye. I’ve been trying to avoid looking at myself for months now because lately, I hardly recognize the person in the mirror anymore.
On this day, despite my best attention to keep my eyes down, the tips of my hair caught my eye, and my gaze traveled upwards. Split ends marked the brittle end of my thinning mane. It didn’t use to be this way.
When I was a little girl, my mother used to invite me to sit on her lap while she brushed my long, dark hair. Those were the very best days. She would sing to me, and all would be right in the world.
The bad days
Of course, there were bad days as well. No mother is perfect after all. If she’d had a little too much to drink, she’d get angry at me and sometimes she’d scream, “Rebecca, I told you to put away these toys, dammit!” or “Rebecca, it’s no wonder your dad doesn’t come around. Look at this mess in your room!” I was never sure if that was why Dad didn’t come around, but he always seemed out of place when he did show up. He paid me little attention and never stopped Mom from screaming at me or dragging me by the hair. “Listen to your mother, Rebecca,” he’d say, “You have to try not to make her so angry.” Eventually, Mom would calm back down, invite me into her lap, and I’d sit quietly while she brushed my hair once more. The worst days were when I was sick. It happened a lot in our drafty house, and it meant I couldn’t do all my chores like I was supposed to. Mom would scream at me and call me lazy. I never saw a doctor. I wanted so badly to get better so that Mom would love me again and brush my hair.
In high school, I poured myself into my schoolwork. I made all A’s and B’s (except for that one lousy C in Chemistry, but Mom didn’t see that report card anyway). I tried out for the cheerleading squad and made it! I hoped Mom would come to some games, but she was always busy.
My new cheerleading friends were so different than anyone from my neighborhood, and I had to learn how to fit in. I quickly learned that the popular girls were always skinny, so I started dieting like them.
I’d skip breakfast and eat half an apple for lunch. As I lost weight, boys at school began to notice me for the first time, and that felt really good.
And then I met ED…
That’s when I met ED (my old nickname for my eating disorder). ED came and went for 15 years. My beautiful brown hair began to thin and fall out, but I was terrified of gaining weight again and losing everyone’s approval, so I let ED stay. My hard work in school and cheerleading paid off when I landed a scholarship to the 4-year University in the city. I’d never left home before, and I was so excited to be free of my mom’s unpredictable screaming fits.
I fought so hard to keep our family together for her sake, but Stephen got more and more abusive.
It’s all been a blur of alcohol and heroin, and I haven’t seen my daughter since she left to stay at her aunt’s house.
I haven’t had any moments of clarity at all… until that day a few weeks ago when my hair caught my eye.
The day my life changed
I found Hawaii Island Recovery that day. My heart began to pound out of my chest. My head began to spin.
If Rebecca’s story resonates with you and you’d like to begin your own journey to recovery, please contact us today.