Hawaii Island Recovery 
Coping with stress, trauma, mental health disorders, or a combination therein is difficult, and each person will have their own best coping strategies for navigating these difficult emotional needs. However, some coping methods can do more harm than good. Self-destructive behaviors, the use of drugs or alcohol, and more can all facilitate already prevalent feelings of stress, bringing new challenges into daily life. Another drastic form of these self-destructive coping strategies is self-harm. Helping a loved one who is self-harming can be difficult and presents a very delicate situation, but support and healing are always possible.
What Is Self-Harming?
Self-harm is the act of intentionally causing physical injury to yourself as a way to cope with intense emotional distress and emotional pain. These bodily injuries can either be obvious or hidden, making identifying signs of self-harm in a loved one crucial for taking the first step toward healing. While a loved one who is self-harming may not necessarily be suicidal, professional treatment to address a loved one who is self-harming is still paramount, both to prevent further physical injury and address the underlying emotional pains and needs that caused a loved one to begin self-harming in the first place.
Self-harm can also take many forms, and a loved one who is self-harming may have unique challenges to overcome. Different emotional needs and methods of self-harm all create a unique healing journey. Having access to personalized treatment and emotional support is necessary to address each person’s thoughts of self-harm and explore effective physical and emotional healing practices.
Forms of Self-Harm
A loved one who is self-harming will have a unique combination of challenges to address, from the method of self-harming to the underlying emotional health needs beneath. Some common methods of self-harm include:
- Cutting
- Burning
- Intense scratching or picking at the skin
- Striking themselves
- Picking and pulling at their hair
A loved one may also interfere with the body’s efforts to heal from already sustained injuries, such as by picking at scabs or striking bruised spots. Similarly, a loved one who is self-harming may not necessarily engage in only one method of self-harm. Some people experiencing these intense emotional pains may not necessarily directly be self-harming, but instead intentionally engage in activities with a high risk of physical injury.
Reasons Why a Loved One Is Self-Harming
There is never a single reason that will cause a person to begin self-harming, nor is there a situation that is guaranteed to lead a loved one to look to self-harm as a coping strategy. For many, a combination of difficult challenges and reasons that have gone unaddressed led to these ideas. Underlying mental health disorders like anxiety, depression, or difficulty regulating emotions can also lead to desperate attempts to cope with these emotional pains, with self-harm being a direct way to attempt to cope.
Coping With Past Trauma
Past traumas can also lead to intense feelings of guilt and shame. Self-harm can result from these challenges, and feelings as if a person needs to be “punished” in some way, despite how unrealistic such a conclusion may seem. A loved one who is self-harming may self-harm because they feel it is what they “deserve,” necessitating professional treatment to explore the lasting effects of past trauma on their mental health and perspectives.
Distracting From Emotional Pains
Emotional pains of any kind can also be overwhelming, bringing invasive thoughts into every part of daily life and making it difficult to focus on personal interests, responsibilities, obligations, or personal goals. Self-harm can be an attempt at distracting a loved one from these thoughts and emotional pains, shifting the focus away from difficult emotional challenges, and giving these pains a more tangible form.
Similarly, a loved one who may not have the communication skills to express emotional needs may turn to self-harm as an attempt to communicate these needs when verbal communication feels difficult, either through difficulty effectively expressing yourself or feeling unsupported if they were to speak about such challenges.
Addressing Emotional Numbness
Lastly, a loved one who is self-harming as a result of emotional distress, trauma, or other emotional and mental health challenges can become detached, or feel emotionally “numb” throughout daily life. In some cases, turning to self-harm can be a result of this emotional numbness, attempting to essentially “feel” again through physical injury to create a tangible sensation. Others may turn to self-harm in an attempt to feel “in control” of something, even their own body, when they feel emotionally out of control of other parts of daily life, whether emotionally or due to pervasive stresses or trauma.
There is never one reason why a loved one who is self-harming may have turned to these practices, and the root cause of these behaviors may be a combination of multiple needs and challenges. Working to understand not just the method of self-harm but also the underlying needs and goals of self-harming in a loved one is a crucial part of effective and sustainable healing. Talking to a professional treatment facility like Hawaii Island Recovery can help you identify self-harming practices in a loved one and prepare you for taking the first step into a comprehensive healing program alongside a loved one for effective change.
Identifying Signs of Self-Harm in a Loved One
Recognizing the signs of self-harm is difficult. For some, these signs can be difficult to see or accurately identify. Others may be in disbelief that their own loved one, whether a child, spouse, sibling, or even parent, may be engaging in these behaviors, especially since it can be extraordinarily hard to understand the reasons why a person may engage in self-harm in the first place.
A loved one who is self-harming may also be skilled at hiding these signs, and may even appear happy, outgoing, or composed in social situations. However, educating yourself about the signs of self-harm can help each person determine if their loved one is self-harming, and prepare for taking the important next step in supporting a loved one through their healing journey.
Physical Signs a Loved One Is Self-Harming
Changes in physical appearance can be a clear sign if a loved one is self-harming. However, these physical signs can take a few different forms. These signs include:
- Unexplained bruises, cuts, or burns on the skin
- Scars
- Persistent wounds that take a long time to heal
- Constant new aches, bandages, or injuries
A loved one may report having many accidents that result in injuries. However, these injuries may seem worse than expected, may not match up with potential stories, or may seem too frequent to be entirely accidental. A loved one who self-harms may also wear out-of-season clothes, particularly long-sleeved shirts, sweatshirts, or accessories in warmer months to hide potential injuries. They may also actively avoid situations where their skin or signs may be more exposed, such as going to the beach or changing clothes in front of others.
Self-harm can also take place anywhere on the body. While some areas are common, like wrists and arms, others may intentionally hide their signs of self-harm at harder-to-spot locations, like the chest or inner thighs. Because it can be difficult to spot all the signs of self-harm in a loved one, familiarizing yourself with additional signs of potential self-harm is necessary to understand and address these challenges.
Emotional Signs a Loved One Is Self-Harming
Self-harm can be intimately tied to emotional pains and stresses. Recognizing signs of emotional distress can be crucial in understanding and helping a loved one who is self-harming. Some of these emotional signs may include:
- Decreased emotional regulation, leading to mood swings or persistent bouts with anxiety and depression
- Feeling overwhelmed by daily stresses or tasks
- Expressing feelings of self-doubt, guilt, shame, or self-deprecating language
Behavioral Signs a Loved One Is Self-Harming
Lastly, a loved one who is self-harming can also experience changes in daily behaviors. For many, self-isolating is common as they avoid social events or spend time alone in personal spaces, like a bedroom, car, or other area where they are not commonly disturbed. Some additional behavioral signs that a loved one may be self-harming include:
- Decreased interest in personal hobbies
- Reluctance to commit to plans
- Compromised communication, such as being vague when asked about injuries or other signs
Loved ones may also keep out-of-place objects in these personal areas, such as sharp objects, lighters, or other tools in spaces where they may not seem to belong.
A person does not necessarily have to express all of these signs to potentially be self-harming. However, talking about self-harm with a loved one can still be challenging. Identifying a few of these signs of potential self-harm can be enough to contact Hawaii Island Recovery or a local treatment facility to learn more about self-harm and the treatment options available to begin the healing process while learning how to best support a loved one.
Talking to a Loved One Who Is Self-Harming
If a loved one is self-harming, removing tools they may use for self-harm is just the beginning, and not a solution to the larger challenges they face. Rather, creating a safe space, and focusing on both physical and emotional healing alongside dedicated professionals is crucial for sustainable change and effective healing.
Recognizing the potential signs of self-harm and addressing the situation can be incredibly difficult and delicate, making working with professionals necessary to prepare for this important conversation. It can also be tempting to want to jump right in and address the situation, either to help as soon as possible, or as a result of the intense emotional situation that recognizing these signs can create. However, taking time to breathe and approach the situation right can be much more beneficial for pursuing the right treatment for mental health needs and self-harm.
Starting the Conversation
Talking to a loved one who is self-harming can be intensely emotionally charged. Before opening any conversation about self-harm, emotionally preparing yourself is crucial. The conversation ahead will be difficult, and remaining calm, open, and supportive is crucial, even if the conversation gets difficult. Approaching a loved one not with anger or preconceived judgments, but with support and calm is part of starting an open dialogue. Likewise, these conversations are not lectures: letting a loved one talk to speak their side, and talking to them honestly and openly is necessary to create a dialogue. Practicing what to say beforehand can also help, ensuring that the conversation has clear goals.
Pick the Right Time
Talking to a loved one who is self-harming is difficult for all involved. However, ensuring a loved one feels comfortable and supported during this time is crucial. This means deliberately choosing the right time and place for this difficult conversation. A place where they are most comfortable, such as their bedroom, or a neutral space like a shared living space can be great options. Ensuring that there will be limited distractions, such as limited noise and lights, and sufficient time without other responsibilities or appointments can also let the conversation develop naturally, rather than feeling limited, and empower everyone to focus on the conversation at hand.
Avoid Judgments
There are a myriad of reasons why a loved one may be self-harming. While ideas of self-harm can bring certain images or expectations, it is crucial to avoid judgments or assumptions. Focusing only on observations and asking clear questions can allow a loved one to answer in a way they are most comfortable with. Avoiding judgments can also ensure that supports and family members can be open to making necessary changes, rather than assuming what needs to be done, for more effective healing.
Even if a person is almost positive that their loved one is self-harming, asking about it, looking for evidence, and working with a loved one to determine for sure is still necessary to approach the situation together, rather than making assumptions about their needs or best healing practices.
You Won’t Get All the Answers
A conversation with a loved one who is self-harming is difficult. Loved ones may not have the vocabulary to express their needs or feelings effectively during this time. These conversations are not meant to “solve” self-harm, and nobody is expected to have all the answers about either a person’s emotional needs or healing practices. Rather, this conversation is meant to express support, acknowledge the situation, and create a plan to explore healing. A loved one may not necessarily be able to accurately express why they turned to self-harm, and trying to force an answer can lead to an unnecessary schism between supportive loved ones.
Focusing on providing emotional support, and being available to take the next step alongside a loved one, is the most important goal of these conversations, even if all of the answers aren’t there yet. It can take time working with professionals to explore the emotional influences behind self-harm and allowing a loved one this time is crucial while continuing to provide support.
Work With Professional Treatment
Researching local treatment facilities, amenities, and programs, or talking to Hawaii Island Recovery about potential treatment programs, can also help each person familiarize themselves with various treatment options. The communities, mission, and treatment services can differ between facilities. Finding a place where a person feels they can best connect with peers and professionals and that can help treat their unique challenges and needs in overcoming mental health disorders, emotional distress, trauma, and more is all part of the process.
Working with professional treatment facilities means engaging in any potential family programs to confront new challenges that may arise. Likewise, being willing to make adjustments, explore new healing options, find new therapies, and more is all part of a process, and the first place found may not necessarily be the best for any particular individual or set of challenges. However, professional treatment to explore the underlying causes of self-harm is necessary, and being open to making adjustments can make the most of a loved one’s healing efforts and highlight one’s role as an effective support.
There is nothing easy or quick about overcoming emotional turmoil or the root causes of self-harm. Regularly checking in with a loved one, providing constant support, exploring healing alongside a loved one, and making changes at home are all part of a healing journey to address self-harm and the emotional influences that informed these self-destructive practices.
Self-harm can be the result of intense emotional distress, and overcoming self-harm takes both physical and emotional health. At Hawaii Island Recovery, we understand the need for comprehensive treatment, helping create a program that addresses mental health disorders, trauma, and self-harm, alongside other self-destructive coping strategies like substance abuse for a truly transformative healing journey. We are prepared to personalize a program for you to find your best approach to healing, working with you and your family to explore comprehensive change inside and outside of our walls. For more information on how we can help you understand and overcome the effects of self-harm and mental health disorders, call to speak to a caring, trained staff member today at (866) 390-5070.
